Bathroom Design Day

‘I don’t care, Daniel!’ my boss screeched at me over the phone. I winced, pulling it away from my ear and giving all of the construction workers swarming my home an opportunity to listen in.

         ‘I can’t come in today,’ I whispered self-consciously down the phone, ducking into the yet-unfinished bathroom and reaching to close the door. Seeing the door propped up against the wall, unattached, I gave up and stormed to the far end, away from the hallway.

         ‘You’d better be here in fifteen minutes, or you’ll be circling jobs in the newspaper tomorrow morning over breakfast!’

         ‘Nobody gets the newspaper anymore!’ I hissed. ‘And besides, I can’t be there, I’m taking a personal day!’

         ‘What for?’ she demanded.

         ‘It’s personal,’ I stressed.

         ‘Well then,’ she said, curtly. ‘It looks like all of your days will be personal going forwards. Good day!’

         ‘Wait, wait,’ I said quickly, squeezing my fist around the phone. ‘If you must know – I’m overseeing our home bathroom renovation.’

         ‘You’re what?’

         ‘Do you need me to repeat that?’ I frowned.

         ‘And that is more important than your job!’

         ‘Today it is, yes,’ I huffed. ‘My wife was supposed to do it, but she had to rush into work. It was an emergency.’

         ‘And why is her work more important than yours, hmm?’

         ‘She’s a doctor,’ I growled. ‘So yes, she had a slightly more stacked day than me.’

         The phone hummed quite static in my ear for a moment. Eventually, my boss sighed.

         ‘Fine,’ she grumbled. ‘But, Daniel?’

         ‘Yes?’ I asked, hope flooding my body.

         ‘Tell me you’re at least getting the job done properly.’

         ‘Properly?’ I frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

         ‘Well, you are of course using the best bathroom designers close to Melbourne?’

         I leaned backwards so I could see out of the open doorway, and watched one of the workmen pick his ear, grimace at his fingernail and wipe it on his shirt in one smooth motion.

         ‘The designers are excellent,’ I nodded. ‘Top-notch.’

         ‘Good. Oh, and Daniel?’

         ‘Yes?’ I sighed again.

         ‘What’s my coffee order again?’