Buying Roses Sneakily

Selma’s foot tapped anxiously on the driveway gravel, and it was all I could do not to whack her on the back of the head with my handbag.

         ‘Why do you look like you want to hit me?’ she asked with a frown.

         ‘Because I’m trying very hard not to hit you!’ I hissed back at her. ‘Relax! You’re driving me insane!’

         ‘I’m nervous!’ she protested. ‘I’ve never done this kind of… deal before.’

         ‘Oh for god’s—we’re not doing anything wrong.’

         ‘Aren’t we?’ she whispered, flicking her eyes around. ‘Then why are we in the middle of nowhere?’

         ‘It’s Australia,’ I rolled my eyes. ‘Most places are in the middle of nowhere. Look, we’re just here to pick up some lovely new patio roses – that’s all.’

         Her mouth opened to respond but quickly shut as a large SUV turned off the road and began to drive towards us, a plume of red dust rising into the air behind it. After what felt like hours, it eventually came to a stop in front of us and two large, bald men got out.

         ‘Regina, I presume?’ the largest man said, looking at Selma.

         ‘Uh, yes,’ she said quickly, and I shot her a confused look.

         ‘You gave them a fake name?’ I whispered.

         ‘Of course I did,’ she whispered back.

         ‘Is there a problem here, ladies?’ the second man asked us, frowning.

         ‘No problem,’ I said, whipping back around to show them my forced grin. ‘Just here for those roses. Those lovely, lovely roses.’

         The two men shared a momentary glance, then turned back to us.

         ‘Are you police?’ the first one asked. ‘I think you have to tell us if you’re police.’

‘I think that’s a myth,’ I mused. Selma elbowed me in the rib.

         ‘Of course we’re not with the police,’ she said quickly. ‘We’re just looking for some climbing roses for sale. Near me, there aren’t any great options, you know?’

         The men looked hesitant. I sighed and stepped forward.

         ‘Look, do you want us to buy your roses or not?’

         After a moment… they nodded.