In a twist that not even the most ardent conspiracy theorist could concoct, the mystery of Marcus Van Allen’s disappearance has been solved, and the revelation is more terrestrial than anyone had imagined. It appears that the home builders and the local residential property developers were merely pawns in a plot more suited to a daytime soap opera than a cosmic thriller. The plot thickened when a local, known only as “Mysterious Madge,” accidentally stumbled upon a clandestine meeting at the local café, The Saucer. There, huddled in the corner, was none other than Marcus Van Allen, alive and sporting a disguise that would make even the most novice detective…

What’s that famous saying again? You only get out of life what you put into it?          Well, that’s a load of absolute nonsense. Do you know what I put into life? Everything! Every weekday and most weekends for nearly fifty years! My blood, sweat and tears, left it all on the table behind me! And for what?          Sure, I live in one of the nicest apartments on my stretch of coastline – but it’s a western coastline! Who wants to live on the western coast?!          My neighbour drove past in his brand new Mer-sayadeez (Japanese brand, I think, funny name) the other day, and had the impunity…

You know the old saying, Rome wasn’t built in a day? I’ve never known this to be more true than now. As some of you may know, I won some money two years ago. I won’t get into specifics but let’s just say that it’s enough money to allow me to quit my job and never work a day again while still giving me the freedom to live a life of luxury. My first big purchase with this money was to build a new home along the Mornington Peninsula so I could wake up each day with a beautiful sea view, step from my bed to my balcony and be…