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Good Steel Day
Dear Diary, Today was a good day. I don’t know why the doc always gets me to start these annoying journal entries like that. She said something about positive manifestation, I suppose, but most of the time it just ticks me off. What if I wasn’t having a good day? Why should the first thing I write down be a total lie? I guess today was pretty good though. Kind of. Alright, fine, it was a lot of fun. I just got back from another shift at the wrecker’s and Tony was in a decent mood for…
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Broken Balustrade Brother
I skidded to a stop at the top of the staircase, leaning over the balustrade to hurl abuse at my idiotic brother. ‘What the hell is wrong with you?!’ I screeched, immediately aware that I was the picture of a stereotypical teenager and way too annoyed to care. ‘Stay out of my room!’ Okay, that one was pretty cliched. ‘I wasn’t in your room!’ he called back up to me, with a stupid little smirk. For a moment – multiple moments – I considered vaulting the banister and violently wiping the look…
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Steel Boating Mishap
I slowly backed my car up to the boat, inching slowly so that I didn’t accidentally bounce off it and send it flying down the boat ramp and back into the harbour. My father watched me from the side, hands on his hips and a somewhat vacant expression on his face – not exactly confidence inspiring. ‘Am I far out?’ I called from the wound-down window, leaning out to try and get a better angle on the manoeuvre. He shot me a thumbs up. ‘Totally fine,’ he said. I frowned – that wasn’t actually an answer to my…
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Conveyancing Lawyer Envy
I sighed and slid down into my chair, reluctantly cracking my neck as I settled in for a long night of boring legal paperwork. A colleague who I barely knew sat down at the chair opposite mine, offset by one seat to give us both room to spread out our documents. We exchanged a pleasant smile, then buried ourselves into the thick folders that our immediate superiors had dumped onto us at the eleventh hour. ‘I should have gone into property conveyancing,’ I mumbled to myself, as the clock struck two in the morning. ‘What’s that now?’…
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Birthday Roadworthy Quiz
I cracked an eye open and blinked wearily up at my bedroom ceiling. Was it real? Was I actually, finally awake? On my birthday?! I leapt out of bed, frightening the aged cat who slept just underneath my mattress. He almost bowled over my mother, sneakily pushing the door open and poking her head around the edge. ‘Oh!’ she exclaimed, equal parts excited and disappointed. ‘You’re awake!’ ‘Of course I am!’ I cried out, sticking my arms in the air. ‘It’s my eighteenth birthday! I can drive a car today!’ I waved my…
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Fun Shoulder Surgeon
Bother! I knew one day I would be destined to write on this blog, I just knew it. All of my friends have told me how much of a clumsy klutz I am, and that I’m going to need all sorts of shoulder and arm surgeries when I’m older and my bones can’t take their daily abuse any more. Well, they were finally proved right, I suppose. I have to go in for a small procedure, my first operation since I was nine years old! Granted, it is just an elbow arthroscopy procedure (information is easy enough…
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Captains Mechanic Suggestion
I pressed a hand to my mouth as the choppy waters bounced the small ferry again, struggling not to vomit over the side. Somehow, I mercifully managed to keep it down, and I smiled at the small accomplishment. Four times in one trip would have been embarrassing. ‘Ho, there,’ chuckled the captain of the ferry, limping towards me with a pipe in his mouth. He’d left his captain’s hat in his cabin, but his big blue coat and turtleneck made him look exactly like a stereotypical seafarer, like he’d been plucked out of a…
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Bathroom Design Day
‘I don’t care, Daniel!’ my boss screeched at me over the phone. I winced, pulling it away from my ear and giving all of the construction workers swarming my home an opportunity to listen in. ‘I can’t come in today,’ I whispered self-consciously down the phone, ducking into the yet-unfinished bathroom and reaching to close the door. Seeing the door propped up against the wall, unattached, I gave up and stormed to the far end, away from the hallway. ‘You’d better be here in fifteen minutes, or you’ll be circling jobs in the newspaper tomorrow morning over breakfast!’ ‘Nobody gets the newspaper anymore!’ I hissed. ‘And besides,…
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Accidental Buyer Tip
I never had any luck with the real estate market in Melbourne. I tried for years and years, but just couldn’t land any of the properties I truly fell in love with. Sometimes I was offering too little, sometimes the real estate agent didn’t like me – sometimes it’s hard to turn down a family of four who are buying their first home, especially when the competition is an old, fat, balding man with no dependants or, really, enough furniture to fill that many rooms. That’s me, by the way. I’m the old, fat, balding man. Although my diet has been helping a little bit… No. Not what…
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Buyer Advocate Brother
I slapped my tablet down on the table in front of my wife, slightly harder than I’d intended, and she frowned at me over the top of her reading glasses. When she’d gotten them she said she’d been mortified, but now I think she quite liked having something to peer over. ‘A problem, dear?’ she asked. ‘He’s done it again!’ I said, pointing at the screen. I started to pace, my hands falling naturally on my hips. ‘You know, you’ll have to be more specific,’ she said, rolling her eyes. She reached forward and picked up the tablet, frowning as her eyes darted across the social media…